i just realized that i can have kyle up here by this weekend if i wanted to.
but thats selfish...
he needs to finish his tests without me distracting him.
but i want him here nowwww.... im so impatien t:P
whats a girl to do?

i am covered in green paint.
where is mike at?
im so tired.
why are furniture delivery people so stupid....where the fuck is my bed at?
i dont wanna walk to the bowling alley now...
i want my car back.
like 15 more days till kyle is here for forever.
yay for that.

look a submarine.....


*sigh*

i didnt know that a gallon of boogers could come out of a kitten.
-_-'

im so friggin tired all the time its a wonder that im still alive. can you die from sleep deprivation?

i miss kyle so much too. i can hardly talk to him due to the fact that the phone is broken so he cant even call.

im so nervous about the rent ....john left for the weekend but didnt leave money....i hope he gets back today. me and mike have our parts we just need his before tommorrow or its late.

i need to go get a bed after work this morning...

i randomly missed josh and eric this morning. mostly josh. i understand why eric doesnt wanna be my friend anymore...i mean i ignored his calls for a month and then didnt call back when i said i would, my fault entirely.
but josh kinda just dropped me on my ass. as soon as amy comes into the picture he stops calling/texting/emailing... i think its cuz shes jealous that im his ex gf or something and wont let him talk to me.
its not like i want him back[ why would i, i have the best BF ever!!! ] its just that i miss talking to him as a friend. he always had this amazing way of talking to me that just made everything seem ok. and when i moved to VA he said that he would visit me now that i lived closer...nothing.
and he said i was invited to the wedding...psh, like amy would let that happen.
i just hope he's happy. thats all i ever wanted for him.

i cant help but wonder what would happen in this scenario:

i continue to not speak to my father. i hold off on it for another, um, 3 or 4 years.
then i just show up at the house
with hair like this





more piercings[other than my septum]





married





and with one of these






lol :]

i'll record it.

so yeah.
i hate paying bills.
this sucks.
ive never been this poor before
i have an appartment 
but no bed yet :P
and im starting to get sick of this nest of pillows and comforters that ive been sleeping on for the past week.
any ideas on how to find a free or cheap bed?

my best friend just flew home to new mexico.
i am so tired from staying up and driving to the airport, then going straight to work...
all in the wee hour of 4 am this morning.
i got to work and just fell asleep in the office.

i look like ass right now.
i wanna go home now.
its only like 7am.
i get off at 6pm.




asjdfhalkjsdfsdhafj;l.

good news is that kyle will be flying up here to live with me forever some time after the 18th.
yaay!
 

its been a productive week.
mike, john and i have gotten an appartment!
yay!
well, its actually a town house...samedifference.
and we got two BEAUTIFUL kittens!
AND
KYLE MOVES HERE NEXT MONTH!!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!

ahahaha im so happy.

with one exception.
there is a 4th roomate, adam.

holyjesuspotatoes....he is on all of our last nerves and we have only been living together for 2 days!!!!
so far this is my biffs with him:
i have to repete and explain everything i say to him like 6 times before he gets it.
he walks around in his underwear.
he eats MY food. the food that is mine.
HE USED MY TOWEL.

and lastly we never said that he could LIVE with us.

we kindly offered that if he ever needed a place to crash for a night or two that he could sleep on our couch.
not fucking live on it.

but now i feel bad cuz he has taken to cleaning before we get home and has bought things for the house that are nice to have ...like the microwave and the lamps.

idk how to say "thanks for the stuff but your really unbearably annoying and we never said you could fucking live here so please go home"in a nice way.

ugh.
what to do?

this is why i got rid of my last livejournal. it was because no one could seem to see where i was comming from.
no matter how long i rant, or how valid my points are, i only get argued with.

being the eternal optimist that i am, i see life in all its glory as much as possible.
i think its great to be alive.
but im not a blind optimist. i am fully aware of the horrors out there. that there are people out there against me and  are against you, and they only want to hurt someone.
yeah that sucks but its never going to stop so why would you dwell?

what iif all the shitty things stopped happening?
would the world be a better place???
NO.
the entire balance of life would be thrown off. 
its yin and yang.
light and dark.
good and bad.
heaven and hell.

you need balance and contrast or it just cant work.
think about it: if everyone was nice to eachother and there were no more violent acts, we would be overpopulated...waaaaaaaaaaaay worse than we are right now. the fact that no one is dying and more babies are being made would just cause a whole new mess of problems, such as lack of space and resources, which in turn fucks up the enviroment,
in my opinion, the world needs less people.

which takes me to my next argument.
natural selection and survival of the fittest.
idgaf wether you belive in darwin or not. it makes fuckin sense.
the weak die and the strong survive. 
just like a sick young deer can get easily left behind and picked off by a couple wolves, someone who cannot handle the stresses of life can fall prey to someone with nothing better to do with their time than to break this person down.
if your weak then you will die, wether you get yourself or someone/something else does.
strong people die too, but they also get to live their lives to the fullest extent, reproduce and leave a mark on the world.
most people dont like to hear this theory because they think that they arent animals.
NEWSFLASH: your an animal. deal with it.
all your needs are primal : to eat, sleep, reproduce, to belong to a group.....the list goes on.
culture is the only thing that separates us. culture is what gives birth to and grants us what we call a concience.
example: you think that killing someone is bad and dishonorable. you wouldnt do it cuz you think its wrong. on the other hand, lets take a look at, say, a tribesman somewhere in the amazon. he brings the head of someone from another tribe back to his village. it is seen as a right of passage and he is an honorable man now.
they dont think its wrong but you do. do they not have a concience? no. its just different morals that are in their society and culture as opposed to your own.
what we all do share are all the animal needs that we have. each and every one of us.


so in a nutshell:
-bad things happen. so do good things. its a balance.
-concience shmoncience...your a fucking animal.
- right and wrong are relative terms and standards. its all based on whatever culture you belong to.



a;kdlfahsd@$&^#kfjhakjghduiahwui@!$!@#$!

happy "we-dont-belong-to-england-anymore-so-lets-massacre-some-natives-to-get-some-land-cuz-we're-white-jackasses" day.

and this is coming from someone in the arned forces.
sad, i know.
but true.
at least i know what im fighting for.

CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! 

have managed another day without getting in too much trouble.

YAY!

yesterday became amazing.
i love my friends.

and its payday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
at midnight !

w00t.

this is how retarded and twofaced ppl must be.

so im at work.[dont join the navy kids]
im the last one there for the night [as far as i know.]
i take a snack with me[ rice krispy treat]
just one.

i get called in today on my off day.
and everyone is yelling at me.
all my chiefs.

apparently, someone had broken in, stolen a ton of food, broken something,and left a mess everywhere.
and someone said that they saw me and mike in there last.
so  its all getting blamed on us.
we dont know whats gonna happen to us.

goddamn it!!!!!!
>_<

long story.
long weekend.
no time to tell now.
gotta get to work.


i miss kyle but what else is new?



*sigh*

last night was exactly what i needed,
after a HORRIBLE day at work....
i chilled with chris and  collin. we went downtown and ate sushiiiiiiiii :D
then we went down by the water and sat on the rocks for hours just talking.
good deep stuff too.
didnt fall asleep like a stupid head :p

ahhhh.
i feel better.

today is gonna be looonnnggg.
urgh.

and i dont want tomorrow to happen.
cuz that means i cant talk to kyle for 3 dayssss.
cell phones dont work in the middle of the oceannnnnn...
:[

work is just exausting me lately.
so much that i've been ignorin people just so i can go to sleep.
half the time i dont mean to sleep the rest of the day away.
i even set alarms. so i dont do that. yet i sleep thru those.
im sure everyoone is getting annoyed.
like i always call kyle after work immediatly cuz i know if i dont i wont get to talk to him at all. and i tell him that im gonna go to sleep for an houe or two and then i set like 5 loud alarms that i end up sleeping thru.... yet i always wake up for work on time...wtf.
yesterday i was supposed to call kyle back and hang out with my best friend chris, but nooooooo my dumb body stayed asleep.

idk if i have a problem or something but it needs to stop.
its retarded.
and not fair to kyle.
he knows im asleep. but i also know he cant help but wonder if something else is going on.
i would, if i was him.

so yeah.
i hate myself for really dumb reasons right now.

:[

uuuhhhhggggg!
im watching that stupid xfactor show on mtv where they put two ppl that broke up on vacation together while the ppl they are dating now get to watch.

0_o
its made me realize how much of a jelous person i am.
i mean, im getting jelous for the ppl on tv!!!!
id flip the fuck out if i was on that show.
no matter if i was watching or sitting with my ex.
i can safely say that id be 10 feet away at all times and i am so over all my exes.
i trust kyle but maaannnnn would i be going apeshit.
i dont trust girls just because i know how perfect he is and that ppl want him.


mineeee, fuckers.

passed my PRT today.
for you non-navy types, that means Physical Readiness test.
pushups situps run.
DONE!
ahaha.
and then yesterday passed my gunshoot.
shot a 190.
which is great for me and good standardwise anyhoo.
:D

i am mucho tired today...despite sleeping a great deal yesterday.i am drained.

bleh.
but on a happier note, kyle comes here in 2 weeks to visit !!!
yayayayayayaaaay.
all around in a good spot lifewise right now.

so with the exception of missing kyle, this weekend went good. 
clubbing...
hookah bar[:D]
downtown....
sushi!
new&&old friends

GREAT SUCCESS!

lmao.
urgh i am tired tho.
stayed up late to talk to him again.
but as the whole world knows,
im crazy 'bout him.
^-^
yesterday was our anniversary.
eep:]

im so tired.
all i want to do is sleep.
i think im just gonna escape downtown with my best friend chris and stay there for a weekend.
i get paid at midnight...
so im gonna just, ya know, GO.
*yawns*

i miss kyle a lot.


thats it.

:/